Some Things Omitted From The Joe Torre Book

After reading an advance copy of the controversial Joe Torre/Tom Verducci book, “The Yankee Years,” it is clear the book neglects to address several controversial topics, which are listed below:

• Rudy Giuliani’s stint with the Yankees in 2003 under the name “Aaron Boone.”
• Torre’s “Single White Female”-like obsession with Tanyon Sturtze.
• A-Rod’s obsession with “Single White Female.”
• Mariano Rivera pounds a case of Bud Light during the first seven innings of every game.
• Shane Spencer’s butterfly tattoo on his lower back.
• Paul O'Neill's closeted romantic relationship with a water cooler.
• The fan who jumped from the upper deck in 2005 was actually Carl Pavano.
• The collapsed beam in 1998 was actually Hideki Irabu.
• A-Rod’s “Misery”-like obsession with Bubba Crosby.
• Don Zimmer’s pre-game ritual of sacrificing a live chicken.
• David Wells’ secret peacekeeping mission to Rwanda.
• Torre almost ruined David Cone’s perfect game in 1998 by trying to bring in Tanyon Sturtze, before realizing Sturtze was on the White Sox.
• Luis Sojo’s pre-Yankees career as a stadium vendor.
• A-Rod’s “Deliverance”-like obsession with Ruben Sierra.
• Yankees "designated" Andy Fox "for assignment" after he was eaten by Cecil Fielder.
• Torre’s constant refusal to address Kenny Lofton’s complaints about playing time with anything besides the universal “jerk-off” motion.
• Clemens didn’t intentionally throw the bat at Piazza; he was just upset because he saw Tanyon Sturtze warming up in the bullpen. He was doubly upset because Sturtze was on the Devil Rays at the time.
• A-Rod’s jealousy of Jeffrey Maier.
• Hideki Matsui’s feud with Def Jam Records.
• Torre’s “green tea” was actually HGH.